Inspired by Loss...

Yesterday I lost a friend.


Not to death. Just lost the friendship. Have you ever lost a friend? This has never happened to me before.


I am the peacekeeper.


I don't like strife.


I am the cold water on a hot situation.


The mediator.


Switzerland.


So how does a peacekeeper lose a friend?


It gives me pause to think about what I need in a friend. We all want our friends to be a certain way but what do we need them to be?


Do they have to be a believer? Do they have to be walking and growing in their faith? If they are not either of these, will they draw me away from my faith and prevent my own personal growth and walk with the LORD?


I am forever grateful to one man who inspired me to memorize the whole of Romans 12. I can still recite most of it though not in complete order. But one verse really struck me and still resonates with me today...


Romans 12:18 "If possible, so far as it depends on you, be at peace with all men."


Paul doesn't leave much wiggle room. He leaves the ball in your court. It's your job (my job in this case) to be at peace with all men.


So how can you be at peace with all men when you have been shut out of all form of communication?


My answer relies on what Paul says..."if possible". There it is. The answer to my struggle.


At this point, I must give it over to God.


Last night I was lying in bed awake knowing I needed to meditate on the word of God before heading off into what could have been a sleepless night.....if I didn't let go.


I landed on James 3:17-18 "But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, reasonable, full of mercy and good fruits, unwavering, without hypocrisy. And the seed whose fruit is righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace."


Wow! What a humbling passage to land on because in this situation I really wanted to lash back and say "this is not my fault!" But the word of God says differently. Very differently.


I once did a study entitled Conversation Peace by Mary Kassian. It was phenomenal. It was basically about how to communicate in a loving, Christ-like, God-glorifying manner in order avoid situations such as the loss of a friendship...relationship...marriage.


It was life impacting.


It was convicting.


I highly recommend it!


Have you ever thought that what you don't like in some people tend to be the very things you struggle with?

When I see someone behaving a certain way or speaking a certain way, I often ask myself if I have ever done the exact same thing. And very often the answer is a resounding "YES"! And even more often I am generally a frequent violator of said action.


Whew!


The reality of seeing yourself in the mirror of someone else and not liking what you see can spring yourself to serious action.


On New Year's Day, our Pastor gave an extremely heartfelt sermon. You could see the grief on his face as he was sharing his soul. He wanted us to know the importance of reading the bible daily. It was the perfect sermon to give on the most perfect day of the year. A day when most people either resolve to do something different in the new year or set a goal in order to do something different....something to improve your life in some way. You would be blessed to listen to his sermon.


It was life impacting.


It was convicting.


I highly recommend it!


Have you ever thought through what your real purpose on this earth might be? Is it just to live righteously and therefore prosper? Is it just to pray daily so that you can get what you want in life? Or is it to struggle to live your faith so boldly that the world around you will be impacted?


Our last small group study was on John Piper's book called "Don't Waste Your Life". You can download a copy for free onto your computer, ipad or iphone. If you know me, I am generally skeptical of Christian books other than the bible; especially ones with big words that make me feel not so smart. However, after pushing through the first few chapters of this book, I came upon the greatest journey of learning. What an eye opening book. I have lived the first 37 years of my life by wasting it on so many occasions. This book gets the double wow-factor to inspiring growth.


It was life impacting.


It was convicting.


I highly recommend it!



So back to the original theme of the post.


Losing a friendship.


After such life-impacting material perhaps I have changed? For the better?

Maybe.

I hope so.

But not perfect by any means.


Now to unleash previously mentioned pause of what I need in a friend....If I can determine what I need in a friend perhaps I can open the doors to what kind of friend I need to be.


• I need a friend who is kind. Plain and simple.
• I need a friend who will be honest in a loving way and Matthew 18 me when I walk astray.
• I need a friend who will give me the benefit of the doubt.
• I need a friend who will intentionally pray for me.
• I need a friend who will love me just as I am.
• I need a friend who genuinely cares.
• I need a friend who seeks peace daily.
• I need a friend who can have great Conversation Peace with me.
• I need a friend who will vow with me to not waste our lives.
• I need a friend who loves God first above all else.
• I need a friend who can grant grace when I mess up.


I need to be this kind of friend to everyone. And this is a pretty big list to maintain over the lifetime of a friendship...that's why I have the last one where it is. I will need grace granted to me often. I am a sinner saved by grace. That's who I am.


In closing, this past December my husband and I celebrated our 15th wedding anniversary. He is such a good friend to me. He is exactly the friend that I need. I am so blessed to be married to a man like him.


That's the end of bearing my soul about friendships.


Praying you have a friend in your life like this!


Be a blessing,


Jen